Written by anthonyrosania
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Topics: DUI, keyport, nj

Monday, 13 September 2010

image for Surprise Drunken Driving Checkpoint At Stop and Shop on Route 36 in Keyport, NJ This Weekend
"Front wheel drive?" asked the Crown Victoria to the Impala. "I... I guess that's kinda cool."

KEYPORT, NJ - The Monmouth County DWI Task Force will conduct a special secret drunken driving checkpoint from 11 p.m. Friday through 3 a.m. next Saturday to detect drivers under the influence of alcohol or drugs, police said.

Task Force members and Keyport police will direct motorists traveling in the southbound lanes of Route 36 into the Stop & Shop parking lot to determine their sobriety, according to task force coordinator and the Police Chiefs of Brielle and Keyport.

Did You Know??

That there are 3,606 males and 3,876 females in Keyport, NJ? That means that one lucky Keyport resident gets 270 women all to himself.

"We have these checkpoints to surprise people who think they can just drive around all drunk and smash into busloads full of crippled Christian orphans," said a spokesperson for the Keyport, NJ police. "Our message is, 'not our orphans, drunkie. Not our crippled Christian orphans."

Critics say that perhaps the police shouldn't give away the location of the checkpoint.

"He told everyone the date and time, huh?" asked Police Sargeant Will I. Yamm. "Even the location in the... in the grocery store? Well, f--k, that's a waste of 45 oertime hours."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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