Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 12 September 2010

image for Paris Hilton States That She Is Going To Burn The Farmers' Almanac To Protest Illegal Crop Rotating
A copy of the Farmers' Almanac which Paris Hilton will be burning in protest.

BEVERLY HILLS - Paris Hilton, who says that there is no one who looks more like Marilyn Monroe than her, called a press conference at her hair stylist's FuFi Fondue's Haven of Hair Salon in Beverly Hills.

Paris said that all week she has been reading about this priest in Idaho who has been talking about burning the book of Corona.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: As we all know by now, Paris is prone to bouts of dizziness. Reverend Terry Jones lives in Florida and the book is the Koran.]

Hilton said that she wishes that the priest wold just go ahead and burn the darn book and stop trying to extend his 15 minutes into 20 minutes like Jesse James girlfriend Kat Von D has.

The blonde socialite remarked, "Like hey, you know, there are literally thousands and thousands and even hundreds and dozens of priests, preachers, rabbi's, and Rotarian's who, you know, would burn the book in ten seconds."

Hilton was asked if the rumor about her burning a book is true. She smiled and said that it most certainly was.

The 'do nothing' (except for drugs) celeb giggled and said that she has been looking into various important subjects like the illegal importing of Velcro from Iceland, the illegal importing of Sacajawea dollar coins from Indian, and the unethical importing of counterfeit Cuban cigars from Brussels, Belgium.

But she said that she decided to deal with something a little closer to the common working class folks of America.

So Paris Hilton says that on Wednesday, September 29, she is planning on going to downtown Los Angeles and, in front of the Staples Center, where the L.A. Lakers play, she will be burning a copy of this year's Farmers' Almanac.

When asked why. Hilton giggled and said because she heard it mentioned by either Sean Hannity, Bill O'Reilly, or Glenn Beck who said that the book preaches and encourages the practice of illegal crop rotating.

Paris grinned and struck her customary side glance pose and stated, "So if I can prevent at least one almanac farm guy from rotating his crops then I will have helped to get my country, the United States back on its red, white, green, and blue feet.

SIDENOTE: Paris was asked if she knew what her IQ was. She smiled and replied, "Of course I do. They're blue duh."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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