Written by Charpa93
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Friday, 10 September 2010

image for CDC Warns of New Strain of Flu Virus this Fall Related to Elephants

The Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta (CDC) has come out with warnings this week of a new strain of flu that is already showing signs of being a real problem this coming fall flu season. The reports claim the flu is related to elephants. Unlike the swine flu and avian flu viruses, which can affect anyone regardless of their socio-economic status, the pachyderm flu will be particularly bothersome in the upper echelons of society.

There is good news for the less wealthy in the country in that they are not expected to be affected by the flu due to the fact that, as a whole, wealthier members of society rarely have contact with the middle or lower classes of society. Therefore, the threat of spreading pachyderm flu to a broad number of people is near impossible.

While swine flu and avian flu are thought to spread mainly through hand-to-mouth contact, pachyderm flu spreads a bit differently-through the rapid exchange of money. Wealthier citizens are therefore warned to wash their hands thoroughly before and after making back-room political deals and any other instances where large amounts of money change hands in a quick and unthinking fashion. Rubbing elbows is also a form of contact, but a less likely way to spread the disease.

The height of pachyderm flu season is expected to be around the second week in November. Therefore, it is important to avoid anything that may have to do with elephants at this time. Further reports on this troublesome but as of yet, non-deadly form of disease are expected through the coming months.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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