Written by Scoop Pynchon
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Friday, 10 September 2010

Terry Jones, the obscure minister who heads the equally obscure Dove World Outreach Center church in Gainesville, Florida, has decided not to burn copies of the Muslim Holy Book on September 11th as planned. Jones was contacted by Defense Secretary Robert Gates to urge him not to go ahead, the Pentagon said. He confirmed Gates' call but linked his decision to what he said was a bigger force.

"The wife said no," explained Jones.

Instead, he and his parishioners will burn copies of the newly-released Usher CD entitled Raymond v. Raymond, because, as Jones explains, "You can't get people all drunk with hatred and then leave them high and dry, and this latest project by Usher just didn't blow our minds the way that Confessions did."

Jones was unfazed and unwavering when journalists pointed out that the discs will probably just melt and not burn at all.

"Well then, we'll just burn the liner notes. Look, somebody has to encourage hate-mongering in this country. Fox News can't handle it all by themselves."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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