Written by WJ Stone
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Topics: New York, british

Friday, 6 May 2005

image for NY British Consulate Blast Damage to Exceed $300.00
Ground-Zero damage...

Damage from the blast that rocked the British Consulate in New York City has reportedly caused more than $300.00 in damages to the building on Third Avenue at 51st Street according to sources at Harry's Locksmith and Window Repair.

The blast occured at 4:00AM on Monday ripping away a chunk of concrete that weighed nearly 2 pounds, shattering a window nearby. No one was injured in the blast, but nearby residents and tenents are really annoyed.

Police were able to quickly piece together some of the shrapnel to discover that the explosive devices were made from novelty items that resembled grenades. Experts from the FBI and BATF report that these types of destructive devices are frequently known to be used to destroy mailboxes and do damage to garbage cans, frequently on the last day of October.

"This thing could have put somebody's eye out" Police Commisioner Jimmy Ray Killy said. "Luckily no one was awake to hear it, cause we have some real whiners in this neighborhood". Both a police and fire station are located nearby to location of the explosion.

Thousands of people were late for work as streets in Midtown were closed. Trains and buses were also rerouted in the fear that somebody might be startled, or get really pissed off if another device went of.

In addition to nearby office buildings, British Consulates in Chicago, Washington DC, Los Angeles, Mexico City and Harare Zimbabwe were closed for the day.

Startled residents had mixed reactions regarding the explosions. One resident, who asked not to be named, holed up in his Brooklyn bomb shelter for nearly 18 hours after she first heard the reports of the bombing. Others simply ignored the hub bub, though there were the usual New York complainers.

Nearby resident Emil Tanenbaum remaked "This is almost as bad as when someone put soap suds in the fountain a Rockefeller Center. If I get my hands on those kids..."

Though damage from the blast is expected to top the $300.00 mark, costs for the investigation are likely to run into the millions of dollars. "That's the price we need to pay when we want to trade security for freedom" commented city Mayor Blumburg.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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