Written by Morse
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Thursday, 9 September 2010

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Condom Machines in SF Jail Encourage 'Happy Hour' As Gay Activists Claim 'Victory' for Human Rights!

Jail enforcement officials in San Francisco finally gave in today to gay activist demands that condom machines be installed in the city jails, a victory the Rainbow Warriors said was 'a blow for Human Rights!"

The 16 condom machines dispensing 6 types of condoms; ribbed, super smooth, lubricated, French, Prep H. and edible, were installed under a grant backed by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and named the "Barney Frank Bend Over I Think I Love You Bill" in honor of the the gay House Finance Committee chairman who is no stranger to gay boy friends doing time in "the joint."

Sheriff Nick "shotgun' McDuff, in law enforcement for the past 45 years, said the decision to spend the taxpayer's money was one of common sense.

"Even though sex behind bars, or in the behind for that matter, is illegal while serving time, last year we had 1,537 cases of Aids in the facility. While most of it was traced to inmates sharing the same toothbrush and to an infected toilet seat, some of it was traced to illicit sex. If we can save just one life practicing safe sex, it'll sure be worth it!"

The condom machines have been installed for only 2 days and have had to be restocked 27 times, according to Ajax Accounting Service the firm hired to control inmate overhead.

Meanwhile on the streets of San Francisco, especially in the vicinity of the Embarcadero and Haight Ashbury sections, black marketers are selling condoms plainly marked 'Property of the SF PD."

When informed of the illicit black market trade Sheriff McDuff said, "Well, you can't say we didn't try....some ASS HOLES will just have to do without.....!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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