Written by b kenneth mcgee
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Topics: God

Friday, 3 September 2010

The messages came yesterday in emails, faxes, letters to the editors, Robo calls, and bulletins to pastors all across the world. It was addressed to Christians with a caveat that other religions would be hearing shortly. The messages came from GOD!

"God knows, I've tried," said God. "One more time, I say to you LISTEN UP! First of all and to dispel many misconceptions, some of the best Christians I have ever known are atheists. Does that surprise you? It shouldn't. They don't kill in my name. They don't torture in my name. They don't act with prejudice and bigotry in my name. Some of them may do these things, but at least, they don't use me as a front man. To tell you the truth, I am sick of that bullshit! I've met some damn (whoops) nice people who call themselves atheists. They act more like what we call Christians than some of you who "talk the talk" and never "walk the walk."

Now let me speak to the pastors. Of course, some of you are fine people, you know, like Reverend Jim Wallis. But, some of you are real assholes! Pardon my language, but I also get tired of the, "yea, forsooth, and verily's sometimes." You think I sit around all day in robes and a crown? Wrong! I'm with it. I have to, you know, go along, to get along. Mostly, I do it in a t-shirt and sneakers. I have never really felt the dress makes the man. Sorry about that, Pope. Anyway dudes, there is too much hypocrisy and too little help for those who need it. There's too much money in the collection plate for a swimming pool at the rectory and not enough for hungry folk living in cardboard boxes.

So, for God's sake get with it! The hypocrisy just makes me want to puke sometimes. If I do, you'll think climate change is a non-starter.

God bless you,

God

PS: Sunday mornings in America is the most segregated time in your country. Think you could do something about it?

Best,

G

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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