Written by Charpa93
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Thursday, 2 September 2010

image for Glenn Beck Creates New Religion "Mormonistianity"

Coming off the self-proclaimed super success of his Restoring Honor Rally in Washington, D.C., Glenn Beck has had an epiphany of sorts. In fact, he believes that his particular belief system is different enough and believable enough to catch on with the majority of Christians who are tired of being lied to.

Those close to him claim that Beck believes so much in his beliefs that he has created a whole new belief system, or religion if you will, which he has called Mormonistianity. In an effort to try and explain his new-found, newly branded religion, Beck told his radio listening audience this "If anyone is confused about what to believe, it is this little buckaroo. Believe you me, I have been searching for a belief system practically all my life. First of all, I was raised in the Roman Catholic faith, but kind of lost my way. When I found my way, it turns out I felt I had been on the wrong road and took the first right over onto Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints Avenue smack dab in the middle of Mormontown."

Yes, as usual, Beck was unable to actually coherently explain his early worship years. However, when he began to speak of his new belief system, Mormonistianity, a spark ignited and he was once again able to speak semi-eloquently about what he hopes to accomplish with his new religion. "Well, first and foremost, let's get one thing clear, in order for a new religion to survive, it needs a central place of worship, or as I like to call it blind faith fellowship." Beck then walked over to his chalkboard not realizing his radio listeners couldn't see what he was doing, and began to scribble stuff on it.

"And so," said Beck, "as you can see from what I've written on this blackboard, it will take $213 million dollars to build the Mormonistianity Temple of Fellowship in my home town of New Canaan, and I'm asking all of you to not only dig deep into your pockets to give to this brand new religion I've concocted, but to also put down your bibles in order to free up your time to read my new book 'Beck's Blue Blazes Bibliography, the Teachings of Mormonistianity.' It's in bookstores and online now."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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