Written by P.M. Wortham
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Thursday, 2 September 2010

image for Barbara Boxer and Carly Fiorina in Cage Match for Senate Championship

While Fiorina is a Northern California Muay Thai and Jujitsu specialist, Boxer is more aptly named as a boxing and wrestling champion from SoCal. Both will appear this Saturday in a five round title match for the light heavyweight division in the Ultimate Senate Championship (USC).

Insiders to the fight say Fiorina's previous business experience will add flavor to her ample jabbing and roundhouse kicking ability, but fight promoter, Telly Spitz, thinks differently. "I see Fiorina managing the caged octagon pretty well, but if Boxer lands an overhand right, this thing is over. Fists of steel, that broad."

Atypical of USC matches, two cut men were sanctioned for the Boxer-Fiorina fight. Former Sugar Ray Leonard cut man, Howie Stitchum tells reporters, "They both have a history of being 'bleeders' in the past; Fiorina when she bled HP dry, and Boxer when she breaks a nail. That's why there will be cut man in each corner, just in case."

Spitz looks forward to future senate race battles. "We're hoping to get guys like former congressman, Fred Grandy (Gopher from the Love Boat Series) back into a Senate race someday. I think America would love to see that guy get his ass kicked."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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