Written by Morgan Truce
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Topics: Georgia, Conspiracy

Monday, 2 May 2005

image for Jennifer Wilbanks will Plead Guilty to Conspiracy
Jennifer: "Maybe it won't be so bad..."

DULUTH GEORGIA (AP) "Jennifer Wilbanks will plead guilty to conspiracy in her disappearance from her upcoming wedding," says Gwinnett District Attorney Danny Porter. "After reviewing all the particulars of this case, we brought in Jennifer Wilbanks and worked out a deal where she would plead guilty to conspiracy in exchange for a suspended sentence. We feel that this is fair treatment for a young woman who was under so much pressure from her family to get married to John Mason."

"The charge comes in connection with Jennifer Wilbanks conspiring to avoid marrying into a family filled with lawyers. The legal profession cannot afford to ignore the threat imposed by people who purposely embarrass lawyers. A lawyer or a judge is a hard working individual who needs to have the support of a wife or husband. By running away from her upcoming wedding, Jennifer Wilbanks sought to embarrass the entire Mason family.... and, in fact, every lawyer in the country.

Speaking to a group of reporters on her front lawn, Wilbanks gave her side of the story. "I didn't mean to embarrass my fiancé John or any member of his family. Some of my best friends are lawyers. I have nothing but respect and admiration for the legal profession. While I am a little suspicious of the legal advice I got to accept this plea bargain, I figure that it's better than serving a long term prison sentence."

"Miss Wilbanks," shouted a reporter, "Well then, what was the real reason you ran away?"

With tears welling up in her large eyes, Jennifer Wilbanks explained, "I just couldn't stand the thought of spending the rest of my life in Duluth, Georgia. Duluth has got to be the most boring place on the planet. That's why I jumped on a Greyhound to Las Vegas. I saw one of those ads on TV that says ‘What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas!' and figured that must be a pretty exciting place. I figured I could get another job in the medical field once all the hoopla settled down. But now I've come to see that marrying into a family of lawyers isn't the worst thing a young woman can do. I mean… it's not like I'm marrying a politician or TV evangelist!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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