WASILLA, Alaska - Sarah Palin was speaking before The Wasilla Taxidermist Society of Wasilla when she was asked what she thought about daughter Bristol being one of the contestants on this years edition of Dancing With The Stars.
Palin, took a deep breath, wiped away a tear from her eye, and said that when she heard about Bristol being selected to appear on DWTS her knees started shaking, her teeth started chattering, and her you-know-what started getting all tingly inside, kinda of like when the first time she looked into her high-powered telescopic rifle and saw a full-grown caribou in the cross-hairs (no pun intended).
"Snowflake" as the Democrats, Independents, and about 40 percent of the Republicans call her, said that Bristol needed to get out of the house and what better place to get out of the house than to go down to the 'Lower 48' and appear on Dancing With The Stars in Hollywood.
Palin was asked if she thinks that the judges will be overly rough on her since Bristol, after all has a very famous mother, who has been known to speak her mind.
Sarah blushed and said that she has already called all three judges, Len "The British Grouch" Goodman, Bruno "The Gaytalian" Tonioli, and Carrie Ann "Miss Indonesia" Inaba and told them that Bristol is going through a very rough period in her life what with that white trash ex-future son-in-law Levi Johnston dumping her again for the third time and all.
Palin said that Levi even had the unmitigated gall to tell Bristol that his ex-girlfriend Kathy "The Red Cougar" Griffin was seven times better in bed than Bristy was.
The ex-governor of Alaska replied, "Well duh, no shit Sherlock, I mean ya know, the red-headed bitch has only been to bed with about 95 men in just the past year alone.
And the cartoon looking skanky slut has also been to bed with about 27 women, or lesbianites if you will. Now I ask you Mr. and Mrs. America, what kind of role model is this "Red Cougar" woman whore setting for our kids?"
Palin had to excuse herself while she went outside to get some fresh air. She was reminded that she was on the backyard deck, which is located 'outside.'
"Snow Plow" Palin replied that, that is exactly how flustered that Griffin wench makes her.
She was then asked about the rumor that she is planning on leaving Todd and Glenn Beck is planning on leaving Tania and the two of them will then get married and move to Arizona.
Sarah "The Wilderness Woman" flat out fainted.
In other news. Sandra Bullock's ex-husband Jesse "Messy" James has told Fox News that he has five times more Nazi memorabilia than Glenn "Crybaby" Beck does.