Written by John F. Comis
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Topics: Police, Mexico

Saturday, 30 April 2005

image for Jennifer Wilbanks Too Annoying to remain Kidnapped
Willbanks Smiles for New Mexico Police

In an all ready bizare story a new twist has developed. New Mexico police report that shortly after the 911 call from Willbanks they received a second call form the alledeged abductors.
"The kidnappers were anxious, upset and one was even sobbing," says New Mexico State Police Saregent Victor Chavez. Chavez goes on to say the kidnappers did infact travel with Willbanks west from Georgia in an attepmted kidnapping. However, Ms. Willbanks was so self-centered and demanding for her creature comforts the assailants were broken.
A brief list of her demand included warm Krispy Creame donuts, high end hair gel, and constant reassurance she looked nice. And she did not sleep. One of the abductors said he never experienced such total self-absorption. "On and on and on,me, me, me thats all she could talk about" an abductor is quoted. "We could not take it, she could care less where she was I think she was happy to have a new audience." "She broke us I feel sorry for that fiance...we gave up."

State police authorities stated the kidnappers required mild sedation and were insisting to be kept in custidy. The officers who are assisting Ms Willbanks are requesting administartive leave.

The family, though relieved, said they were not suprised. "Jennifer has always been a talker." Jennifer's Dad was less forgiving he stated, "I am suprised they lasted as long as they did."

Jennifer's fiance would not give a comment, but sources close to him said he has been 'numb' for years with no obvious reason. "He did not seem happy or sad, the emotion of the moment must have been overwhelming," a source said.

At this point the wedding is on and Jennifer has all ready faxed a 'To-Do' list to the wedding guests. The list is said to include the statement' "This is a special day and I am going to have a few things my way."

"At this point I am glad she is safe and we are sending her back east," Sargent Chavez said. "As for the kidnappers they have been invited to the wedding, but have declined."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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