Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 30 August 2010

image for Senator John Edwards Says He Is So Lonely He Would Even Date Ann Coulter
John Edwards photographed the day the National Enquirer first broke his scandalous story.

BOSTON - North Carolina Senator John Edwards was in Boston speaking before a gathering of The Boston Bean Growers of Massachusetts.

The senator appeared to look quite depressed and rather distant.

He was asked if he felt okay. He nodded and said that he was fine but then added that all of this National Enquirer revelations had really taken a toll on him.

When informed that the publication was merely printing the truth about his relationship with Rielle Hunter, he grinned and said that only half of it was true.

He was then told that maybe if he accepts the fact that every single thing that the tabloid printed about him was in fact true then maybe he could get over being so sad, depressed, and downright funky.

Edwards half grinned and softly said, "perhaps."

The senator from North Carolina said that all of this has cost him his marriage, his house, his children, horses, dogs, cats, and three guppies.

Edwards shook his head and said that at the moment he was so damn down and has not had a date in months and that he would even consider going out with GOP skank Ann Coulter.

He said that he does not care if she does look like Roy Rogers' horse Trigger, to him she is as pretty as any one of the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: It appears that old Johnny boy is really in one hell of a mess if he thinks that old "Giddy Up" Coulter even remotely looks like one of the Dallas cheerleaders.]

Edwards was asked if he ever talks to Governor Mark Sanford of South Carolina, who had an affair with a woman from Argentina, that ended up destroying his marriage.

John shook his head and then said, "Now, why in the world, why in the friggin world? would I even want to associate with a no good, low-life, adulterous, piece of ocean bottom scum like Marky?

The senator caught himself, laughed, and said, "Hey y'all I rest my case."

In other news. There is no truth to the rumor which started in Maryland and has now moved into Pennsylvania and West Virginia that Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck are each leaving their respective spouses and plan to get married on the Spanish Island of Majorca.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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