WASHINGTON, DC - "We know what Glenn Beck was REALLY trying to do" announced Katie Couric with contempt. Keith Olbermann was more direct, saying that the "Breaking the 7th Seal" plot was too much for Glenn Beck, even with the help of Sarah Palin and millions of Tea Party dollars. CNN proudly claimed "the distraction of a few thousand extremists in front of the Lincoln Memorial didn't fool anyone except for gullible right-wing nuts." White House staff described the event as a complete and utter failure.
Robert Gibbs, White House Press Secretary: All day there were blue skies with a light breeze and scattered, puffy clouds which eased the heat of the August sun. The high temperature in Washington was 89 [degrees F]. I hope this has taught Mr. Beck and his cult about the folly of attempting to unleash the Apocalypse in this great city.
In contrast, the Department of Homeland Security was not so arrogant and dismissive. Janet Napolitano and John Brennan cautioned America that there are times when an apparently peaceful Saturday may be the result of hard work by the Federal government and allies.
John Brennan, National Security Adviser: Domestic terrorism is always a grave concern ... and 8-28 could have been a million times worse than the 9-11 disaster. Fire and brimstone raining down, skies as black as sack-cloth, and hordes of poisonous toads could have changed a "Summer of Recovery" into a world-shaking catastrophe. Fortunately, there were warning signs which did not escape the eye of Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf, whose heroic knowledge of Islamic traditions proved invaluable. In addition, the brave and ceaseless efforts of ACORN and the SEIU must be credited for providing "boots on the ground" to disrupt the machinations of unimaginable dark forces.
Some journalists questioned the White House press releases and the "Liberal Mainstream Media" coverage. Although they requested additional information, an Executive Order from President Obama has classified all Federal government activities related to the 8-28 "Rally" as State Secrets.
Janet Napolitano, Secretary of Homeland Security: We can't tell you how we saved the world, or which warrantless wiretaps are protecting the rights of all Americans, but when we complete our secretive agenda ... you are going to be very, very happy. Remember, this is the most transparent presidential administration ever, and if we have to tell you what we're doing, then the terrorists win.