Written by susan allen-rosario
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Topics: Death

Sunday, 29 August 2010

image for Sport's fan's wife found decomposing in home
"I really got worried when she stopped bringing me beer."

Dallas, Texas - "I really got worried when she stopped bringing me beer, otherwise I didn't miss her much, I was too busy watching football."

Police were called to the man's home after he found his wife's decomposing feet peeking up out of a stack of TV guides, beer cans and Sports Illustrated magazines. Friends of the couple say they have been looking for her for weeks, but apparently the husband wasn't worried until his "brew" supply was cut off.

Police said the man became enraged when, in order to check the body, they had to remove some of the magazines.

"Hey, I was reading those," he yelled.

Neighbors report that the man and his wife are classic hoarders and cannot throw anything out.

"He's a huge sports fan and has an autographed collection of old jock straps (athletic supporters) football jerseys and photographs. If they look under all of those beer cans they might find more bodies or at the very least, a few missing pets."

The coroner's office spokeswoman said it may take months to determine how the woman died, but she was holding a six-pack of beer when she went.

"It looks like she was carrying the beer to her husband and tripped over a pile of junk or caught her foot in an athletic supporter and fell. The husband asked the forensic team if they could please leave the six-pack when they were done. Go figure."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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