SAN FRANCISCO, CA - "Area Man" filed a petition with the California Northern District Court today to have his name changed to "Aria Mann".
Area discovered that he was a female trapped in a man's body and recently underwent sex-reassignment surgery to complete his life-long ambition of becoming a woman.
He/she held a press conference today to discuss his/her decision.
Area told the crowd "I was sick and tired of being the masculine butt of all satirical jokes. There was only one way out, and that involved vaginoplasty, breast augmentation and, finally, a fabulous wardrobe transformation."
Area's employer, The Onion, had no comment.