Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 28 August 2010

image for Dolly Parton, Spokeswoman For The 2010 National Breast Appreciation Day Has Banned Heidi Montag From Participating In The Event's Festivities
Dolly Parton, the official spokeswoman for The 2010 National Breast Appreciation Day.

TERRE HAUTE, Indiana - Dolly Parton was in town visiting an old high school girlfriend when she was asked about this years National Breast Appreciation Day which will take place on September 20.

Parton, who is definitely qualified to be the spokesperson for anything to do with tits, hooters, or boobs giggled and said, that she is as proud as a rooster in a hen house brimming with three dozen horny chickens.

Dolly giggled some more and stated that she figures that there has got to be a country music song in there somewhere.

Parton was asked if the rumor about her and Burt Reynolds was true. She giggled and said yes. She was then asked if the rumor about her and Kenny Rogers was true. She giggled again and nodded yes.

She was then asked if the rumor about her and Glenn Beck was true. Dolly put up her 'dukes' and said, "Now lissen here, you sumbitch. I don't mind being asked if I was poked by Burt or if I was poked by Kenny. But don't you even dare think about askin' me if I was poked by that big crybaby, Nazi loving little faggot Glenn Beck.

Hell, I hear tell his pecker ain't no bigger than my uvula."

Dolly went on to say that probably the only two women that Glenda Becky, as his gay friends call him, could possibly get would be Cloris Leachman and Joan Rivers. And that's cause Cloris hasn't had a man since her birthday in 1987, and Joan hasn't had a man since adopt a stray cat day in 1988.

Dolly was asked about the controversy surrounding Heidi Montag, who has had 37 plastic surgeries done including several breast enhancements, augmentations, and stuffing's.

Parton smiled and said that the beauty of National Breast Appreciation is that red blooded American males and red blooded American lesbianites like Ellen, Rosie, Melissa, Chely, and Wanda get to all pay homage to the "Real" mammaries of real women.

She went on to say that the NBA guidelines and bylaws clearly state that all hooters, tits, and or boobs will be 100 percent real with positively no additives, enhancements, augmentations, or filled with foreign material such as silicon, saline, or saltines.

SIDENOTE: Dolly Parton has said that Heidi Montag will not be allowed on the event grounds. And if she should show up she will be arrested, frisked, and placed under arrest for showing up to a breast contest with counterfeit tits.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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