(UPIS) The oceanic divisions of the United States Armed Forces-the Navy, Marines, Coast Guard, and Seals (both Regular and Elephant)-could be facing a brand-new threat: killer anchor babies.
The State Department today issued a warning detailing the possible use of these banal babies by terrorists determined to destroy the US military's way of life. It quoted unnamed sources who possess incontrovertible evidence that the infants-some still in utero-would be harnessed via superrobotic arms, legs, and thoraxes to the anchors of carriers and other naval vessels while they are in harbor.
Unable to detach the implanted mini terrorists, the ships would be left in perpetual drydock, rendering them vulnerable to attack.
Officials also cited the heightened threat to the potency of the seamen on board.
The sources further indicated that the success of this killer infantry might in future jeopardize the cruise ship industry, yacht races, and even the much-anticipated reality-series remake of "The Love Boat".