Washington: In a press-conference that has jolted the East, the West, and the Holly Roler Catlik Church, Researchers in Alabama declared that the Great Emperor Asoka of India, was in fact, an Israeli spy for the Mossad.
"It's very clear that Asoka was a double agent. First he sets out to put down rebellion, and issues diktats like "An eye for an eye, a denture for a molar." which is very close to a phrase in the Old Testament that is in fact the motto of Mossad. Then he insists that his army eats kosher.
Images of Asoka show that he wore the prayer shawl and had curly hair and a beard, Juda style.
"All the transcripts available from that time, inscribed on stone pillars, show that His majesty was a skinflint, a miser," and that his favourite song, which he hummed under his breath was an Indian version of Fagin's "Gotta pick a pocket or two' from the film Oliver," said a source.
After the great battle of Kalinga, Ashoka, instead of turning to the Cross like the great emperor Constantine, took the Buddhist route. "It was all because of orders from Israel. Never underestimate a Jew," said Professor Smith- Muhammed Forbes, of the Alabama Country Museum.