HOG JAW, Arkansas - The Mayor of Hog Jaw, Arkansas, Humphrey Dumpty showed up at the Hog Jaw city jail early this morning hoping to bail out his wife, Betty, after she was arrested on misdemeanor charges of loitering and disturbing the peace late Saturday night down at the local bowling alley.
Betty's companions, the DePugh boys, were also arrested but released the same night when it was determined that Betty was holding them there against their will. The mayor says he was over in Dudley when Betty was picked up by police and didn't make it back to town until early late on Sunday night. He says he was being honored by the Montgomery County GOB (Good Ol' Boys) as Montgomery County's top Peace Officer of 2010, when his wife was allegedly arrested.
Keith Barnes, the town sheriff stated "Yeah, as usual, ol' Betty was pretty likkered up by the time she finished bowling her first game and had gone out back with the DePugh boys to catch a few hits before bowling her next game. If she'd a just had a little smoke and went back in there quietly, we'd a let her alone. But you know ol' Betty, jest cain't leave trouble alone."
Everybody in town knows that Betty's been feuding with Sandy Watkins, who lives a couple houses down from her, ever since Sandy had a Tupperware party a month or so ago and didn't invite Betty. Now the women won't even walk down the same side of the street together.
She just had to remove her tube top and start flashing everyone in the parking lot. Then she said she was gonna go in there and show Sister Sandy from the First Baptist Church of Hog Jaw bowling team jest exactly what a real woman looks like and that's when we had to taser her, hog tie her and put her in the squad car. That woman jest cain't hold her likker."
While the Sheriff agreed to release Betty on her own recognizance, he said this time he won't drop the charges and she might just see some jail time out of it. According to Betty, though, that's ok. "To tell you the truth," said Betty, "I been a bit curious lately t' see jest what it would be like to kiss one o' them female wardens over to the Squirrel Holler County Jail."