SACRAMENTO, California -- California Republican gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman is nearly ahead of Jerry Brown by a hair, according to a recent survey. In fact, her forehead has been gaining ground on that of her largely bald Democratic opponent for the last several months.
A shrewd political newcomer, Whitman sports an impressive early-70's page boy combover that until only recently concealed a "forehead" which by most accounts has already become a "fivehead."
The former eBuy executive began losing hair in 2002, when her conscience started bothering her after voting for the very first time.
Now, experts believe recurring nightmares about having to spend $108 million every time she needs the support of California voters may have hastened follicular retreat, making her an excellent candidate for alopecia totalis by early November.
Unlike Brown, Whitman does not intend to harness her waxing chrome dome for solar power.
Jerry Brown could not be reached for comment, as the blinding glare interfered with our reporter's progress.