Written by Kyle Emall
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Topics: America, White House

Monday, 25 April 2005

The White House is moving to approve President Bushes new policy to limit the reading level at which Americans recieve most of thier information. Due to his own inability to devour text as fast as 5th grader, and seeing how he is a upper level college graduate, Bush proposes to limit syllables in periodical texts to 5 or less (we almost couldn't use periodical, Bush had counted six until he was corrected). Also those same texts can only have articles with no more than 350 words. This will greatly reduce the size of the daily newspaper in New York to 3-4 pages. This combines his earlier policy to aid the enviornment, as well as aiding the Patriot Act in controlling the text one is exposed to from day to day.

"Information is the weapon of the new age," Bush responded, "with this new policy, the amount of information one is exposed to is reduced, therefore reducing the amount of harm exposed to a new potential weapon."

President Bush has been known to never read more than a page of any brief before tossing it aside. Now it looks as though every American can now afford the same luxury of assuming knowledge, without really ever being exposed to it. Presidential frontrunner of 2004 John Kerry was quoted saying,"If everyone had really read as much as they say they have, I might be president right now!" Kerry was seen skulking away from the steps of the Whitehouse with a Republican advisor, tagging his footsteps everywhere, shushing him whenever he rambled too long or used overly verbatious words. This policy has gone to affect not only periodicals but also television news broadcasting, stating in the policy that outlays that every reporter is "recommended" to attain a Texan twang to ones speech ~

Due to the Dumbing Down Policy, this article has been halted as it has excceeded the recommended limit of words per article. We apologize for the inconvienience this may have caused. It really wasn't necessary for the reader to delve any further into this article understand its full contents.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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