HOG JAW, ALABAMA (ABSNN) -- Fred Fortineer, Adjudant of the Sons of the American Legion Post 1950, in Hog Jaw, Alabama led a group of 14 pick up trucks filled with young men eager to fight it out with the Hog Jaw, Arkansas Boy Scout Troop 2. A bloodbath is feared!
Abel Rodriguez, a Spoof.com reporter imbedded with the Alabama boys, reported to ABSNN by cell phone as the young Sons of the American Legion approached the Mississippi River. This is his dispatch:
"Forty-five young, Hog Jaw, Alabama boys, armed with shotguns, rifles and RPG's intend to attack their counterparts in Hog Jaw, Arkansas in order to settle 'once and for all time just which Hog Jaw is the real Hog Jaw.'
"The Alabama contingent, all members of the Sons of the American Legion, also intend to steal every nubile teen aged girl in Hog Jaw, Arkansas and hold them captive.
"'Hog Jaw, Alabama girls just won't give it up, so we are going to steal those girls from their first cousins and bring them back to Alabama and then we will get laid,' said Fortineer, a 17-year-old high school senior.
"The mothers and sisters of the Hog Jaw, Alabama boys saw them off on their quest and provided the young men, 'samiches, biscuts, jam and condoms,' said Mary Shelly, the Commander of the American Legion Auxiliary," Rodriguez reported..
The cannon owned by castrated reenactor, Jim E. Cricket is armed with sheep turds instead of men's testicles, and trained upon County Road 19, the only way in or out of Hog Jaw, Arkansas.
Barricades have been erected by Hog Jaw, Arkansas Boy Scouts who seem very eager to do battle with the coming invaders. Francois Cardinal Dubois, S.J., Chaplain of Troop 2, led the scouts in prayer and fasting in anticipation of the coming blood bath.
"Blood bath? Hell, it ain't even the first of the month. I ain't bathin in blood or wadder till then, and those Alabama boys cain't make me, neither!" a Boy Scout told Dubois.