Hog Jaw AR: Mayor Titus received a letter today from Secretary of Defense Robert Gates informing the town that the US Armed Forces will no longer be purchasing Buggy Whips and Button Hooks for the troops.
The mayor called the city council into emergency session at Jakes Barbershop to discuss the economic effect of losing the town's only major industry. Everyone in the room knew that the town was doomed without the "factory!" People would have to leave Arkansas for a job elsewhere or commute to Louisiana and Mississippi to work.
The SecDef made it perfectly clear that the federal government had to stop frivolous spending, even though Hog Jaw craftsmen have been providing the US Army superior products since 1900. The council members got rowdy and accused the SecDef of playing election year politics, after all he is the lone Republican working for President Obama and Hog Jaw residents have been solidly Democratic since 1865.
It was suggested that a phone call be placed to President Obama at the White House. Daisy the switchboard operator was dispatched to make a person-to-person call to Washington DC. The mayor then spoke with the third assistant to the deputy undersecretary for "green jobs," as the president was vacationing in Florida.
The mayor looked relieved, almost jubilant, as he related some good news. Our own Congressman Claggart in Washington DC can earmark $1 million, to refurbish the "factory" provided the product is green! For awhile there was silence in the room only mumbling about green jelly, green cloth, green asparagus or green cigarettes could be heard.
Councilman Jethro addressed the mayor and the city council, stating that his cousin Clem sometimes smoked "green" medical marijuana cigarettes, which were illegal in Arkansas. The annual illegal marijuana crop in Arkansas has a retail street value between $848 million and $1.36 billion. These "green" medical marijuana cigarettes were legal in 13 states (blue and red) including Alaska and California.
Councilman Jethro continued that Clem also owned several hundred acres of Lake Hog Jaw which was extremely polluted with "green" alga that when dried and rolled into cigarettes produced an absolutely wonderful sensation, but were perfectly legal. I propose that we package Lake Hog Jar "green cigarettes" made of alga and let the buyer beware. Later the "factory" can be expanded to manufacture "green" alga cookies and beverages.
The Hog Jaw City Council unanimously voted in favor of the proposal!