Lubner Lutner, "Lube" for short, is coming back home to Hog Jaw to film a commercial for the Subway sandwich shop chain to be aired on local Arkansas television stations. Said Sally Ryder, Lube's old flame from high school, "We always knew Lube would make it big some day. This is definitely the biggest thing that's happened to anyone from Hog Jaw since the Merkin twins got sent up to state prison for those killings over in Wet Weed, Arkansas.
Lube grew up in Hog Jaw, Arkansas. He graduated from Hog Jaw High School and was quarterback for the Hog Jaw Boars football team. Every girl in Hog Jaw had a crush on him, and a lot of hearts were broken when Lube decided one day to get out of Hog Jaw and move to the big city to make a name for hisself.
So he moved to Little Rock--big city Arkansas, one of only a handful of recognized authentic redneck hotspots in the United States. Lube never looked back, mainly because his one good eye just never seemed to worked right. It was congenital, the doctor told him.
At any rate, the local DAR (Daughters of the American Revolution) Chapter is asking the Mayor to empty the petty cash account so they can buy decorative flags to line Hog Jaw Road from in front of old man Stubbins' place to the Subway out on Route 379. They want the flags to read "We love you Dick!" (Lubner changed his name to Dick Handsome as he soon realized when he hit the big time in Little Rock that he needed an appropriate stage name for the films he was making there.)
Sally says she can't wait to see Lube." I don't care what he calls himself, Dick, Lube, whatever, it's still gonna be nice to sit in the back seat of my Chevy Suburban with him again and talk over old times."