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Tuesday, 17 August 2010

The grassroots protests known as the "Tea Party Movement" have been the subject of increased national attention following a recent class action lawsuit initiated by American tea drinkers against leaders of the conservative Tea Party. Plaintiffs claim the Tea Party movement has caused irreparable damage to the credibility of tea drinkers nationwide.

"It's really just embarrassing," said one disgruntled green tea drinker. "Nobody wants to be associated with a group of rednecks who think expanding health care is tantamount to Nazism. The Tea Party is a disgrace to tea drinkers everywhere."

Associate lawyer for the suit, Jason Patterson, reminds us not to overlook the emotional toll the protesters have caused tea drinkers. "Many Americans fail to understand that the typical tea drinker is in no way affiliated with the Tea Party. Entire lives have been ruined. Families are being torn apart. The total psychological devastation is beyond calculation."

"I went to one of their protests - just to see what it was like. Yes, they really are just as racist, ignorant, and violent as the media makes them out to be. I definitely understand why so many Americans now view tea drinkers in a different light," said an angered herbal tea drinker.

Moreover, the total economic impact is beyond imagination. "Tea sales have absolutely plummeted," claims American Tea representative Edward Nelson. "This quarter's profits are millions below predicted levels. The severity of the problem is unprecedented." The situation has gotten so bleak that several democratic congressman now consider it necessary to offer additional government sponsored bailouts to tea companies most harshly impacted.

When asked to comment, official Tea Party spokesman Jeffery Miles shouted "Obama is a n*****!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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