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Tuesday, 17 August 2010

On Thursday, Sen. Jon Kyl (R-Ariz.) became the highest ranking Republican to offer support to a proposed law banning the peaceful practice of Islam in the United States.

The controversial measure originally proposed by Lindsey Graham, Republican Senator of South Carolina, challenges the rights of American Muslims to peacefully worship "free of persecution from intolerant assholes." Appearing on Fox News, Mr. Graham said it "is vital to our war against humanity that we discriminate against and harass every single American Muslim we possibly can. Otherwise, the terrorists win." He later added, "here we are spending hundreds of billions of tax dollars murdering Muslim civilians in Iraq and Afghanistan, we're forgetting about the domestic terrorists here in our own backyard."

When asked if he was worried that the law be rejected on Constitutional grounds, Mr. Graham smugly retorted "well, it sure hasn't stopped us before," adding "I have complete faith that the high court will look the other way."

Sarah Palin, the former governor of Alaska and Republican vice-presidential candidate, issued a statement shortly afterward claiming the law "is certainly worth considering," affirming that she recognizes the "serious threat Islam poses to the American way of life." The presidential hopeful also declared that the law "is undeniably a powerful political stunt," and is guaranteed to draw support from her "very racist conservative base" come 2012.

Though generally supported by the American public, the new measure has drawn staunch criticism from the small portion of America that hasn't completely lost its mind. "Seriously, these guys are complete morons. It's a shame that the media gives these racist politicians any attention at all" said a random American who hasn't fucking lost it. Another random American who didn't have his head in the sand joked "Step one: religious persecution. Step two: gas chambers."

President Obama failed to comment on the matter, claiming the issue is "best resolved at the state level," saying "each community should decide for itself" whether to allow the persecution of Muslims. The President later implied that he may take a more clear stance when it is less politically suicidal to do so.

In a CNN interview with Mitch McConnell, the Senate minority leader clarified the GOP's stance on the bill with regards to the 1st Amendment. "Look, the Bill of Rights was designed exclusively to protect white Christian heterosexual males. I'm not an expert on Constitutional law, but my conservative values have lead me to believe that the framers never really meant to extend those freedoms to minorities."

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