Written by Skoob1999
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Tuesday, 17 August 2010

image for Hog Jaw Daily News - Hog Jaw Residents Coming To Terms With Celebrity Status
Mayor Dumpty's Mansion At Dusk.

Hog Jaw, Arkansas, Tuesday - The Mayor of Hog Jaw, Humphrey Dumpty went out to breakfast this morning at Pop's Main Street Diner as he tried to absorb the media spotlight shining on Hog Jaw.

Looking very serious and focused for once in his life, Mayor Dumpty settled down to a breakfast of toast, vittles and grits with fried chicken, washed down with coffee.

When asked for comment as to why he appeared to be so serious minded, Mayor Dumpty shrugged and said that he hoped that Hog Jaw's new found global status wouldn't result in a big Wal-Mart hypermarket, a McDonald's, a KFC, a Wendy's, and seven Starbucks coffee shops.

"I'm hoping that I did the right thing in exposing our town to the international media spotlight," Mayor Dumpty said, as a he ordered a fried egg, sunny side up to dunk his hunk of toast in. "I sometimes wonder how many coffee shops, fast food outlets and hypermarkets a small community such as ours can sustain."

Local gas jockey, Petherbridge Brunel, an employee of Main Street Gas, Tackle, Bait and Feedstore also expressed his concerns about imminent globalisation and branding of Hog Jaw township. He explained to our reporter that the globally branded market leaders would be reluctant to hire a one eyed gas jockey with a gimpy knee, halitosis, and nipple rings.

Local priest, Father Francois Dubois SJ erected a temporary altar on Elm Street and asked his buddy Bert to join him in prayer that this most most precious of small town communities not be sullied by the evils of globalisation.

Jerry Springer was not available for comment as he was reportedly holed up in an out of town trailer park with Dolly Parton lookalike, Jolene Trashcan and her daughter Mabelline.

Y'all come back real soon.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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