Senator Mitch McConnell and House minority leader John Boehner held a joint news conference today to denounce President Obama and his comments regarding the constitutional rights of Muslims to build a Mosque in NYC. "Death to the infidels," both said in unison, and pumped their fists in the air. McConnell spoke first: "We are introducing legislation today in the House and in the Senat to rename the War on Terror," he paused for effect, "the Crusades!" The press corps grew silent as McConnell continued, "These people have no right here. For one thing, they wish to destroy our constitution!"
Boehner picked up the presentation: "It is time to call a spade a spade," said Boehner. McConnell nudged him and whispered in his ear. Boehner continued, "Whoops, I got the wrong notes here. I mean to say, it is time we made the rubber meet the road. We are a C-h-r-i s-t-i-a-n- (he drew out the word) nation and it is our way or the highway." He paused again, threw his fist in the air and shouted, "Death to the infidels!" As the journalists stared in disbelief, McConnell and Boehner proceeded to run around in circles on the podium shouting, "God is great!"
As word of the press conference spread throughout the Capitol and fearing a loss in the spot light, Congresswoman Michele Bachmann called her own press conference saying,"I am proposing legislation today that directs the government to rent the LA Coliseum, get all of the lions that are currently in zoos around the country, and let these infidels see how they do with them! It is pay back time for C-h-r-i-s-t-i-a-n-s and I doubt there are many Daniels in that crowd! This would be the kind of afternoon the entire family could enjoy. You know, bring the kids, buy some popcorn and let the good times roll! If we win the congress in the fall, no telling where we can go with this. For one thing, you can tell that Rachel Maddow: I'll get your little dog Toto too!"