Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 13 August 2010

image for San Francisco Bans Happy Meals - Oakland, Not To Be Outdone, Bans Gummy Bears
The city of Oakland has decided to ban the consumption of 'Gummy Bears.'

OAKLAND - In a type of 'Tit for Tat' move so to speak, the city of Oakland has decided to ban the consumption of the children's candy 'Gummy Bears' within its city limits.

Oakland spokeswoman Ramona Trumpetweed, stated that the city of Oakland took that measure to do a type of one upmanship on its rival across the bay San Francisco which has banned Mickey D's 'Happy Meals.'

Preston Bittercotton, who manages a McDonald's in San Francisco's Chinatown, said that he wishes that the city leaders would sit down and concentrate on real problems like how the hell are they going to help the state of California pay back its $87 billion loan from China, its $21 billion loan from India, and its $7,000 loan from Mexico.

San Francisco city spokeslesbianite Melody Fitzpickle countered by saying that the problem of paying back that tremendous amount of money lies with GOPvernor Arnold Schwarzenegger.

When the governor was contacted in Sacramento and told of Ms. Fitzpickle's remark he stated, "Ah yeah, I guess dat's just teepeecal of how lots of dem San Fransissyco lesbianite's carry on. Dey 'ave no sense of decency and are always keesing and tushing each other in dee private sectors ya."

Ms. Fitzpickle fired back by saying that who she 'Keeses' and who she 'Tushes' is absolutely no one's effen, friggin, son-of-a-bitchin' business. She then added that if Arnie does not like it then he can gather up all of his steroid pills and get his big old out-of-shape ass back to Czechoslovakia, or Bulgaria, or Holland or wherever the hell he swam over here from.

In a related story. The city located just north of San Francisco, Sausalito has just passed a directive banning the consumption of the popular 'gummy toros' candy.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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