TALLAHASSEE, Fl. - Christ today again came out against drilling for oil off Florida's pristine shoreline saying that if God had intended for oil to be pumped from Florida's shores, he would have made it easier to get legislation passed in the Florida Legislature to do so.
Floridians hailed Christ for stepping forward and once again sparing Florida from the same fate that other states such as Louisiana, Alabama and Texas have all suffered, i.e. ugly beaches. Florida's head of tourism, Gladys Lipschtein can't say it enough "Florida shores have once again been spared through divine intervention. Thank God we have Christ battling the oil interests to keep our beaches beautiful."
Christ's political opponents are quick to point out that Christ has not always been against drilling off the coast of Florida. Says gubernatorial hopeful Marco Rubio, "this is yet another grandstanding effort by Christ to gain favor with all Floridians. First he was for drilling, then Christ was against it, now he's against it again. How convenient with an election coming up in November. Who the hell wouldn't be against drilling off Florida's coast," said an exasperated Rubio.