Last night after performing at the Lollapalooza festival and doing a careless perilous stage dive. Lady Gaga got very sick. First aid paramedics at the scene thought it was either a kidney stone or perhaps a gall bladder infection. As the pain worsen her stomach grew proportionally larger. Finally she was taken to the hospital for diagnosis and appropriate treatment.
Once in the hospital she was rushed to the emergency room. After a thorough abdominal examination the doctor offered the following diagnosis. "Mrs. Gaga is suffering from an acute case of vagina begone. In other words, Lady Gaga has a missing vagina. The urine is backing up into her system. She is approaching renal failure and a dangerous renal coma will soon follow. Lady Gaga was quickly taken for an emergency kidney dialysis procedure.
A few hours later after lady Gaga regained consciousness. The Doctor in charge of the emergency room that night Dr.Pat Smears informed Gaga that her vagina had vanished. For the first time in her life the Gaga lady was quiet.
How can that be? Doc, I haven't had any kind of relationship. You see Doc, "I'm afraid somebody is going to steal my creativity through my vagina" "So I'm still a virgin. Did they check the ambulance? the fishnet I was wearing? Perhaps is under the bed.
Doctor Smears replied "We already checked. but if your only concern is someone stealing your creativity through your vagina you need not to worry my dear Females creativity runs through their brain and there is no connection whatsoever between your legs and your brain. They work totally separately and independently from each other.
Now if you were a man and lost your penis, then you would be in a pickle. Walking around like a zombie, without any purpose or interest in life whatsoever, Men think and make very expensive life lasting decision with their penis. Their brain works with a wireless connection to the penis.
After watching in-house close circuit video from the lollapalooza affair Private Parts Detective Dick Bushtracker was shocked at what the in-house video revealed.
While Gaga was stage diving. Arizona's escapee John McClusskey who was standing near the stage at the time went into an acrobatic muff-diving maneuver. The agile McCluskey somehow managed to suck in Gagas vagina through a hose, a panty hose that is. Shortly after he felt to the ground while the corona beer he was drinking felt to the floor.
He was taken to the same hospital were his victim was getting treated. After an endoscopy of the esophagus was done. The doctor realized there was a gargantuan piece of meat too big to pass through the thin esophageal canal. It was lady Gagas vagina.
Detective Bushtracker was called to the scene. When the doctor explained the situation the sharp detective mumbled, "Something smells fishy in this lollapalooza crime".
After Bushtracker interrogated the pain ridden McCluskey for about two hours the convict finally confessed.
"Shortly after I escaped, my old drinking buddy Tiger Woods called me. He wanted me to snatch him a human sex toy. He offered me a million dollars. I needed the money so I said yes. The vagina wasn't for me but with the salty taste of the sweat and the lemon taste from my Corona. The whole thing reminded me of a few of them raw clams I ate there at "the old bearded clam" bar down Florida way. So I ate the gagalicious gargantuan stolen good.
Meanwhile at a parking lot in Yellowstone park The Tiger man was waiting in his brand new Volvo pick-up truck. He has been struggling with his putter since he went sex-less. He refused to get into a relationship or pay for a full woman There is only one part he wanted to get involved with and it was coming in soon.
To tiger's surprise it was the state troopers who showed up. He was order to get out of the car and taken into custody.
After checking the truck the troopers found further evidence. Several inflatable dolls, along with a set vaginal wigs were recovered. There were blond, brunette, red head and black hair wigs. There was even a wig that resembled an albino looking thing that looked more like a bleached mop.
Mccluskey was taken back to jail and Gagas vagina was surgically attached.