COVENANT OF THE QUEER, WV (ABSNN) - Controversy is swelling within a tiny West Virginia hamlet named, oddly enough, Hamlet, over a new best selling, non-fiction book by the ever controversial author, Francois Cardinal Dubois, S.J. entitled "God has no dick" The West Virginia State Police reported the arrests of several "angry villagers armed with pitchforks, hoes and farm animals" who were attempting to storm the tiny Covenant of the Queer where Dubois is undergoing "gender rediscovery therapy."
Dubois' book rocketed to the top of the ABSNN Book Club August 2010 "Best Book" chart within seconds of its release on Friday.
"The RC Church supports Cardinal Dubois' claim that God has no penis," reported Vatican sources close to Pope Bentdick XVI.
However, the same unnamed source confirmed that the Pope adamantly disagreed with Dubois' second thesis, namely that "God, being a woman, had no need for a penis, other than when she was feeling randy."
Dubois was contacted by telephone at the convent by the All-Skoob-All-the-Time Network (ASATTN) correspondent, Hark the Lark Fark, who reported:
"Dubois is feeling as well as can be expected after 2700 ECT's, 847 LSD trips, and unknown hours of 'anti-faggot' therapy and wrote 'God has no Dick' in a remarkable twenty-seven minute period of relative lucidity or a fugue state."
The Mayor of Hamlet, West Virginia, Bishop Elmer Gantry, Jr., vowed to "Find, Fuck, Flay then Forgive Dubois, the faggosexualfuck, whatever the cost to his flockoffuckheads (his name for his congregation)."
"West Virginia Governor Joe Manchin is too busy running for the seat of the late Senator Robert Byrd to deal with this nonsense and has no comment on the matter," said Manchin's spokesman, Ted Kennedy, who remains dead near his brothers, Bob and Jack, at their Arlington, Virginia home.