Andrew Lloyd Weber, whose smash hit, Phantom of the Opera, continues to set records on the world's stages, has agreed to compose the musical score for The New York Times best-seller, Afghanistan War Logs. "The material is great," said Weber. "Plus there is no shortage of talent in the Pentagon. There are any number of song-and-dance men among the senior staff who have expressed interest in auditioning."
General David Petraeus, commander of U.S. forces in Afghanistan, was asked during an interview in Kabul whether he would audition. "Yes, I'm thinking seriously of taking on the lead role. I've always been great at anything I've attempted and would likely use my high school nickname, 'Peaches,' as my stage name."
The Pentagon reported that General Petreus sings in the choir at Washington's Church of the Fabricated Annunciation, which made headlines recently when parishioner Lady Gaga led a holy roll through the church's Gethsemane Garden. A few pansies were crushed, but all the threatened lawsuits were subsequently dropped.
At his weekly briefing, White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs was elated: "I see this as a great opportunity to tell the story of the American fighting man from a new perspective. With a few catchy tunes, the plight of the soldiers and Marines in the trenches won't seem so bad. You can get all the blood and mayhem you want playing video games. Let's bring a little joy into the lives of the American people and leave the violence where it belongs--in some Third World cesspool."
Outside the St. James Theater in New York City, where the musical American Idiot is now playing, theatergoer Betty Noire summed up the reaction of the crowd: "I mean, where is Afghanistan anyway? In Canada?"