Senator Mitch McConnell, minority leader of the US Senate, stated today on the Senate floor that "Puppies are a threat to our way of life. At the least, poor people, those on un-employment compensation and welfare recipients should not be allowed to own them. Puppies are a distraction for these people, keep them from seeking employment, and lead them into a sense of false security. It is bad enough that these neer-do-wells are allowed to indulge in sex, TV, and other perversions. They do not need a puppy!"
A reporter asked McConnell if this wouldn't be unfair to the children of this part of our society. McConnell replied, "Children! Children! Why are these people having children?! Can't they control themselves? Why aren't the children working? They are using food stamps to feed these four legged animals. They should be buying pop tarts instead, for these kids. At least cats can bring home a mouse or a rat and help feed these families."
McConnell states he is proposing legislation that would ban puppies for anyone making less than $45,000 per year and would grant tax breaks for puppies to anyone making over $250,000 per year. These tax breaks include deductions for food, veterinarian visits, obedience training and one visit per year to a fancy Doggie Hotel.
When Democrat Alan Grayson was asked what he thought of this proposal, he replied, "We really don't have a dog in this fight, but I am bringing my Bullmastiff to the floor of Congress next week! This crazy proposal might just end up biting them in the ass."