Written by anthonyrosania
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Topics: Rap

Tuesday, 3 August 2010

image for Vanilla Ice's Cadillac Attempts To Kill Rapper, Self. REVISED: Now with less spellung errers.
Simon Pegg and Woody Harrelson Join Vanilla Ice On Stage.

At what is now a crime scene in a location north of Palm Beach, washed-up attention whore Vanilla Ice was nearly killed by a 40 year-old car during a botched publicity stunt.

Vanilla Ice bought the rusty 1967 Cadillac --the only car he could afford-- nearly a year ago.

While attempting to do the silliest stunt ever, Ice drove the Cadillac down a ramp and into a river. The car flew for tens of inches before slamming into the green-brown water.

Immediately after the jump, Ice appeared from the driver's side window, pumping his fist as if driving into a body of water like Ted Kennedy was something to be proud of.

Within seconds, the Cadillac appears to take a deep breath and submerge with Ice still inside. Ice is seen on video trying to free himself from the vice-like grip the General Motors sh-tbucket had on him. The vehicle began to drag him beneath the surface as if he was a trainer at Sea World.

For a few tense moments, Ice remains underwater. On the video, a woman at the shore can be heard saying, "Ice? Ice?" in a near-whisper, as if Vanilla could hear her while under 15' of H2O.

Suddenly, Vanilla appears, gasping for breath. Witnesses began to walk away, disappointed that Ice's last hit wasn't him hitting the sandy bottom of the lake.

The stunt was an attempt to garner interests in Ice's reality show, scheduled to begin airing in September.

The reality show follows the man who saw Madonna's vagina in person, and lived to tell the tale, purchasing and "flipping" luxury houses in posh South Florida neighborhoods. Each episode will also feature footage of Ice embarassing himself in small concert venues and participating in ridiculous stunts like this one.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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