Hell- Record low temperatures resulted in major ice storms in Hell today. Satan reported Al Gores attempts to stop global warming as the cause." When Al sold me his soul for his riches I didn't know the bastard was going to actually stop warming" Satan explained.
Mr. Gore speaking through his masseuse commented, "that will teach that horn toad looking son of a bitch to call the cops on me for feeling up my massage therapist". Gore also pointed to the Great Deceiver as the cause for his recent divorce from Tipper.
Asked what his future plans were Satan said" Fuck this political shit I'm moving to Florida and work on my tan". Our sources in Florida report a temperature increase over the last few days, raising speculation that Satan has moved to Florida already.
It appears that a power struggle between Gore and Satan over who controls the dark side is developing. We can only hope that Satan comes out on top