In an effort to protect the U.S. public from low cost, healthy foods, the US Food and Drug Administration will now ban fresh broccoli from human consumption.
"This ban is being implemented after multiple reports of the benefits of fresh broccoli and how it can help cure the body of many diseases", stated Michael Smith, FDA spokesman.
Smith went on to elaborate that the "FDA's main purpose is to eliminate natural, low cost vitamins and foods that reduce revenues for pharmaceutical companies and fresh broccoli clearly falls under that category."
Many citizens were disturbed by this new ban by the FDA and were having a hard time understanding the rationale. "It's just fresh broccoli, I mean seriously, have they lost their minds?", commented Jennifer Sprouts from Louisville, KY.
When asked if FDA administrators go on to lucrative pharmaceutical industry jobs after their stints at the FDA, spokesman Smith adamantly stated "no comment" and stated that the press conference was over as he needed to catch a private jet for his 2 week tropical vacation funded by Pfizer and Eli Lilly.
Fresh Broccoli will no longer be available in US Grocery stores as of September 1st, 2010 and anyone benefiting from eating fresh broccoli should visit their local pharmacy for a prescription drug that should offer similar benefits, except for some really bad side effects and a $200 monthly bill for the rest of your life.