Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 31 July 2010

image for San Antonio Opens Up The First U.S. Sperm Bank With A Drive Thru Window
All Sperm Bank Drive Thru depositors will each receive a cute little yellow piggy bank.

SAN ANTONIO - In the who said there is nothing new under the sun category. A branch of The San Antonio Second National Sperm Bank has just opened up the nation's very first Sperm Bank with a drive thru window.

Traci Ann Quickowitz, president in charge of the Deposits Department, said that a full two hours before the bank's drive thru window opened up at 7 a.m. the line of cars was already five blocks long.

She said that one would have thought that the bank was giving 'samples' away or something.

Humberto Centavo, III, 29, was the first in line. He said that he had seen the story on the 10 o'clock news the night before and his wife had encouraged him to go.

Centavo, who works as a tour guide at the Alamo, said that he heard that the first 20 customers making a deposit would get a $10 gift certificate to The Whataburger Restaurant, a handy pen-flashlight that is so powerful it can literally be seen from the moon, and a free one year subscription to Playboy Magazine.

Ms. Quickowitz said that when she first posted the drive thru window clerk's job just about every female employee in the entire bank applied for the position, since the pay is based on a base salary plus a cummission.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I talked to Abel and told him that I was going to correct the word cummission which he had misspelled. But he informed me that the word was actually spelled correctly. When I looked at it a little closer, I realized that he was right.]

Ms. Quickowitz has stated that she has already been approached to appear on Live With Larry King, The View, Entertainment Tonight, Wheel of Fortune, and The Weather Channel.

SIDENOTE: Quickowitz said that she has also had personal calls from men from each of the other 49 states, as well as England, Denmark, Spain, Italy, and Dutch West Wakkaboonka all requesting to make a deposit but who did not want their names mentioned. She said that the bank will honor their request but she pointed out that the Sperm Bank Drive Thru Policy does allow for the releasing of the Depositor's initials. Three of the wannabee depositors are very well known American celebrities with the initials: C.S., W.B., and G.H.

HINT: The first last name rhymes with "Sex Fiend." The second last name rhymes with "Matey." And the third last names rhymes with...ah..."Pamilton."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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