Written by Charpa93
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Topics: Glenn Beck

Friday, 30 July 2010

image for Glenn Beck University Institutes Dress Code
Preparing for class

Glenn Beck University was begun earlier this year by Glenn Beck following his receiving an honorary doctorate from fundamentalist Christian-led Liberty University.

Beck now believes he is qualified to offer college-level courses in American History, Economics and the Constitution, and does so under the guise of calling his courses Faith, Hope and Charity. It is, for Beck, a noble cause. He is single-handedly teaching the "truth" to anyone who will listen.

But before you click on that enrollment button, there is something you need to know. There is a dress code. Even though it is an online course, and you "think" you are free to roam around your room, buck-ass naked if you like while learning what Abraham Lincoln truly thought, or that civil rights and the tax laws are really unconstitutional, think again. Glenn Beck believes you must dress properly to learn properly, to get the most out of his "college" courses.

Men must sit in front of their computers in a full suit and tie, socks and shoes. No pajamas, no Calvin Klein skivvies and no sandals or slippers.

Women must show up in front of their computer screens in dresses or blouses and skirts, nylons or pantyhose and pumps. Skirt length should be at or below the knee, no exceptions. Women may not wear their teddies from the night before or worse, show up for Beck's classes in the nude. It simply is unacceptable. Beck claims that the look you should go for is that of your mother, who stayed home and took care of the house and kids. An everyday house dress will suffice if you don't have anything nicer.

You may have no piercings, anywhere. You don't need those things to learn. No earrings, no nipple rings, face studs, belly rings, etc. Don't think you can keep your mouth closed in order to conceal your tongue stud either. Beck will give preliminary checks and have you show the inside of your mouth. If you have a tattoo, you may be asked to have it removed or you may simply not be allowed to attend classes at Glenn Beck University.

Haircuts are also discussed in the dress code section of the site. Men should have their hair cut military-style. If you don't know what that is, you may copy Glenn's own look.

Women, you may wear your hair bouffant-style as it is most attractive when you take off your glasses and let your hair down during study sessions. But aside from that, you are not allowed any extreme cuts such as the Kate Gosselin reverse mullet.

As Beck often says, "Cleanliness is next to Godliness," so you will shower before every online session and wash your hands during breaks.

Glenn Beck is hoping that this dress code will lead to exemplary conduct and a 100% pass of all students. You may go to his site to request a copy of these guidelines.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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