TUCSON, Arizona - The Grand Exalted Dragon Wizard of The Grand Imperial Order of The Knights of The Off-White Bougainvillea, Rayford "Whitey" Giddykoontz was asked if the Australian actor Mel Gibson had in fact recently applied for membership into the Ku Klux Klan organization.
"Whitey" Giddykoontz remarked that Mr. Gibson had most certainly sent in his application, along with his one year dues of $65.
Giddykoontz said that he along with two of the KKK Membership Committee Charter Members, Billy Bobby "Pretzel" Slurweather and Bobby Billy "Okra Teeth" Fitzpicker went over his application.
He said that they also viewed about six tapes that had recently appeared on YouTube of Mr. Gibson ranting and raving about his former girlfriend the Russian piano player (pianist) Oksana Grigorieva.
"Whitey" said that the three voted and the vote came out 3-0 to deny Gibson membership into the Ku Klux Klan organization.
When Giddykoontz was asked on what grounds Gibson's KKK membership request had been denied the KKK leader leaned back in his straw wicker chair and said, "Well sir, it kinda be's like dis. We here at da KKK take great pride in our long established organization. We have after decades finally gained da respect and da admiration of somewhere around 3 percent of our nation's bigots, I means citizens.
Now, everyone knows dat, dat Gibson fella has gone off da deep end...da damn effen deep end if ya will, ta be's more exact.
So there is no way on earth dat da KKK is gonna allow a piece of shit scumbag who is unbalanced, crazy, and one hell of a damn friggin racist ta just waltz into our happy group of good ol'd boys and put da damn spotlight on us all"
Giddykoontz went on to say that in his 27 years as leader of the Tuscaloosa, Alabama-based KKK Chapter, he has never seen a meaner, ornerier, angrier, sumbitch like that Mel Gibson feller.
[EDITOR'S NOTE #1: Tucker "Cornbread" Corngarden, who wrote the definitive book on the KKK, entitled, 'The Definitive Book On The KKK' said that in the entire history of the Ku Klux Klan he has never once heard of anyone being turned down for membership.]
[EDITOR'S NOTE #2: "Whitey" GiddyKoontz mentioned that his chapter of the KKK was headquartered in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. He apparently momentarily forgot that his headquarters moved to Tucson, Arizona, one month ago.]