Former ballet star,Rahm Emauel, now Chief of Staff for President Barrack Obama in Washington, announced he is heading up a new Ballet Company with the backing of the White House and plans to star in the premier debut of "The Nutcracker" as it goes on tour prior to mid term elections.
The agile manipulator behind the scenes of the Chicago Mafia in charge of the Transformation of America, got his start in Chicago where he turned to ballet at an early age after he was caught cross dressing in the attic by his mother.
He was joyfully enrolled in the Evanston, Il. School of Ballet where he was known for being able to tip toe about the stage, and easily mastered the fifth position while looking 'simply darling' in his custom made tutus.
Emanuel was considered a budding star, and was granted a scholarship to the Joffrey Ballet which he turned down to matriculate to Sarah Lawrence College before it turned co ed, where he won acclaim for his light footedness and was elected homecoming Queen by a clique of Harvard fans who claim to
have not only manipulated the election, but were said to have dated him.
Insiders said Rahm, while noted for his profanity, short temper, brusque manner, is really a pussy at heart, with a special empathy for mentors
Svetlana Zakharova, Ana Pavlova, Anna Chapman and Christine Keeler, all
masters of the intricacies of cheek to cheek dance in their time.
The Nutcracker, first shown in 1892 with music by Tchaikovsky, will be slightly upgraded to be made more popular with today's audience, according to a spokesman for Michelle Obama who along with her obesity program,victory garden, and clothes designer for golfer Jon Daly, strongly champions the production.
Naturally, Emanuel will play the part of the love struck Princess who falls in love with her Christmas toy, a Wooden Nutcracker, played by Senator John Kerry in full military dress, who then comes under attack by the evil mouse king, played by the Rev. Jesse Jackson, who is not only anti Semitic, but hates bagels and creme cheese.
Eventually the Princess and her toy boy, who turns to flesh & blood after a series of adventures where they are transported to the 'land of snow'
and given safe haven by the Alaskan Governor, and later to the
'land of treats' ruled by The Sugar Plum Fairy played by House Finance Chairman Barney Frank in a role that fits him perfectly, retire to the South of France to live out an indolent and indulgent life funded by a former husband's trust fund.
Rapper 50 Cent will bring the century old lyrics up to date so grammar school children can fully appreciate the depth of feeling behind the plot as
the mouse king represents evil capitalists, while the love affair of a Fairy Princess and a 'ballbreaker' as represented by the Nutcracker, expresses
current administration policy that 'you can't make an omelet without
breaking a few F*****g balls."
Former Congressman Larry Craig, earlier caught with his pants down in an airport crapper, is said to be tapping furiously, distraught that the abolishment of "don't ask, don't tell" came a 'tad too late ' to ensure him re election and a part in the production.
Said stage manager Robert Gibbs, "Larry can't sing for shit, but as an offer of compassion, we've decided he can participate in the backup group and hum a few bars of the Chorus." Hmmm, Hmmmm, Hmmmm!