Written by IainB
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Thursday, 22 July 2010

image for Lindsay Lohan to be released early?
The LA prison currently being made over by Lohen

Lindsay Lohan is to be released early from prison, and will not serve the full ninety days. Indeed, it has been hinted that due to her disruptive nature behind bars, she may not even see out two weeks.

According a source within the prison, Lohan was initial expected to be Jail Bait for the other inmates, however, the opposite has happened, with Lohan already in charge of a posse of women that grows hourly.

She has been teaching them how to look fabulous and be sexually alluring to get what they want, and the prison has turned from a hard-assed collection of thugs, prostitutes and murderers into a daily catwalk show, with orange jumpsuits this season's little black dress.

"Our guards do not know how to cope," said warden Barry Hinde-Barrs. "They understand aggression and underhanded behaviour, but all this flirting and primping has them baffled. Lohan is a nightmare prisoner!"

Lohan herself has admitted to friends that she wouldn't mind seeing out the full ninety days, as she is having so much fun, and is making plenty of new acquaintances. That said, there are a few things that she would have to change.

"The place needs more scatter cushions," said close friend Kim Tyrne. "Although she has found a personal hairdresser inside, she really misses her make-up and cell phone. Apparently the reception inside is terrible. You'd think they'd put a couple of cell towers on those tall bits with men in."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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