Written by truybill
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Topics: Theft

Thursday, 22 July 2010

image for Bad night for Robber

A local liquor store was held up last night but by the time police arrived the said robber was gone.

The night clerk reported that at 12:12 am, a white male approximately 5 foot, 9 inches tall with long brown hair and bad teeth walked into the store, pulled a pistol out of his waistband and demanded all the money in the register. Following store policy, the clerk opened the register and handed the man the money. The white male then left the store.

As the man began to get into a blue four door sedan in front of the store, he was approached by a man in a green ski mask who demanded he hand over his money. The first robber handed the money to the masked man who then fled south on foot.

The first robber then got in his car and began to drive away but was stopped at the exit by a black male with a knife. The clerk reported that the black male pulled the first robber out of the car then got in and drove off; he was seen headed south at a high rate of speed.

The first robber then began to flee north on foot but was stopped by 3 Hispanic males in a VW Rabbit. The three Hispanic males got out of the vehicle and began yelling racial remarks at the white male robber and then proceeded to gang up on him and stomped him to the ground before fleeing south in their vehicle.

As the man laid on the ground a elderly white female approximately 80 years old stole the man's wallet, hit him in the head with her cane then fled south on a motorized scooter.

As the man attempted to get up, he was then attacked by two large pit-bulls who left the man naked and a bloody mess with bite marks to the neck and arms. The pit bulls then fled south on paws.

As the man laid in the road a semi headed south ran the victim over without stopping.

The clerk stated the man's head was crushed by the semi.

The clerk then reported that two rednecks in a old four wheel drive pick-up stopped and got out of their vehicle. The passenger picked up a large shovel from the back of the truck and proceeded scraping the victim from the pavement and placing the body in the bed of the truck. Another witness stated they heard the two white rednecks talking about having fresh road kill for breakfast.

Local authorities are asking that any one with any information to contact their local police department.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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