Written by anthonyrosania
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Topics: Glenn Beck

Wednesday, 21 July 2010

image for Glenn Beck Going Blind: God's Conservative Big-Mouth Smite-Trifecta is 2/3 Complete
God: "Glasses ain't gonna help, ya racist dick."

God has showed the Conservative Pundit-world His smiting Pimp-Hand, as revealed when Right Wing dickbag Glenn Beck said he has learned he has Macular Dystrophy, and could go blind within a year.

Speaking before a crowd of 16 at his "American Revival / I Need Cash" tour in Salt Lake City on Saturday, the Fox News bullsh-t artist tearfully told his audience that he had recently seen a doctor and received the grim news.

"A couple of weeks ago I went to the doctor because of my eyes," said Beck. "He did all kinds of tests and he said, 'you have macular dystrophy ...you could go blind in the next year."

"I prayed about it, and God spoke to me in a vision. "

"Glenn," the Creator called. "Cover your left eye and read this. Ha! You can't!"

Beck, who made minimum wage in radio jobs from coast to coast, burst on to the national scene when he decided to pick up Rush Limbaugh's act, saying the exact same things louder, and infinitely more offensively. Beck believes that it was his controversial viewpoints that caused God's wrath.

Beck was thoughtful in his response: ""I mean, I did say that the Jewish Anti-Defamation League is useless. Oh, I did ask Congressman Keith Ellison to prove that he was not a terrorist. Also, I did say the President has a deep-seated hatred for white people. And I did make fun of Obama's 11 year-old daughter."

"Now that I think about it," continued Beck. "I did say that Van Jones was a communist-anarchist radical, and I kinda said that ACORN was an anti-American organization. And I suggested that Christians to leave their churches if they hear preaching about social justice because they were code words for Communism and Nazism."

"But other than that, what did I do wrong?"

"Glenn needs to shut up," said God, during taping of the Big Brother III Reunion Show. "Rush Limbaugh went deaf, Glenn Beck is going blind. Now, when Ann Coulter's tongue falls off, l will have completed my 'Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil' Conservative Windbag Trifecta.

Macular dystrophy is a relatively rare genetic disorder that causes a progressive loss of vision. It only affects a - - holes.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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