Santa Barbara, California -- A shocking development in the Michael Jackson case materialized today when popular Springfield resident Bart Simpson testified in court. "I can't live with this secret anymore" is what he told Thomas Sneddon the prosecution lawyer for the Jackson case.
The jury was skeptical of the little yellow boy who has a reputation of being a naughty prankster who craves attention in his dysfunctional family.
" I know that some of you think I'm a liar and a destroyer of faith in humankind but you have to believe me on this one man". For a few brief moments the jury had problems understanding the elementary school child. "Damm TV it ruined my imagination an my ability to umm…well…ah… you know".
"My relationship with Mr. Jackson dates all the way back to 1993, I know, I know, you're thinking to yourself, he wasn't even born back then. Amazingly I have been the same age and height for the last 16 years. I met him backstage during one of his concerts; He was preparing to go on stage: I was trying to reset the smoke machine…. …ah…never mind. "
"Last spring Mr. Jackson invited me to the Nederland ranch. I was excited because the possibilities for chaos and destruction were endless. When I arrived there I remember saying to myself, Aye Caramba this place is a dream come true. We were playing dangle the baby in the wine seller when an aide to Mr. Jackson (Tito) told us that Michael would like to see me up in his room in 10 minutes."
"I couldn't wait any longer so I immediately ran up to his room. I peeked inside and what I saw next would haunt me forever; He was painting himself white.
Shocked and confused I was leaning against the wall, a million things were going through my mind; doesn't he know that in this day and age it's cool to be black? What should I do next? "
I decided to call Homer
Bart: Homer you've gotta come pick me up man this guy is a freak
Homer: Well of course he is, but he's also a very kind man who has touched many young people in a special way.
I knew had to do something so I called the one man who knows how to deal with phediophile/manwoman/peterpanwannabefreak my lifetime hero, Crusty the clown.
"Our pan was to gather witnesses to spin stories about Wacko. We told them to lie about anything that can put that freak in jail. We want him to stay far away from kids, otherwise he'll brainwash them into thinking that its cool to be white, and that's just wrong!"