Sherri Shepherd, the amorphous blob best known for firing bean farts into Star Jones' old chair on ABC's The View, announced in divorce court today that she found photos of her husband having sex with another woman.
"At first, I didn't know what they were doing," said Shepherd, finishing up the entire suckling pig she ordered for lunch. "I've never actually seen anyone have sex before."
"My husband always said he couldn't have sex because he lost his nards in 'Nam," said Shepherd. "I did think that was odd, because the Vietnam Conflict ended when he was 5."
Shepherd also testified that after she gave birth to a premature baby, which weighed "1 1/2 Entenmann's cakes (1 pound, 10 ounces)," she was going back and forth from the neonatal intensive care unit, Burger King and home for several months. She said one day, upon returning home, she found pictures of her husband having sex with a random woman, whom he later impregnated.
Shepherd's husband, Jeff "Stedman" Tarpley, claims that he never said that he couldn't have sex completely, just not with Shepherd: "I thought that I could, but on our honeymoon, the first time I saw her naked, she looked like 'Free Willy' in a white gown."
"Judge, I couldn't get hard for her if I drank cement."