WEST HOLLYWOOD - Mel "The Self-Destructing Old Fogey" Gibson has shown the world that he is about as nice a person as Ann Coulter, Glenn Beck, Adolf Hitler, and Raoul Moat all put together.
Gibson, aka "The Bossy Aussie" has uttered the "F" word, the "C" word, the "N" word and the other 23 "Lettered" words more times in about four different crazed rantings and ravings than the entire lumberjack population of Oregon has in the past week.
Mel from Hell, as his girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva calls him has shown that he can scream louder than any Texas or Oklahoma racehorse auctioneer.
Gibby, as his mental therapist calls him, has yelled so loud and so prolonged at his ex-girlfriend that it is amazing that he did not suffer some kind of physical illness.
Gibson has reportedly offered Oksana $20 million to let him see his daughter whenever he wants just as long as she stays 55 feet away.
The tapes which Oksana recorded are so potentially damaging to Gibson that after it is all said and done Mr. "Big Mouth" Gibson will be lucky to get a job as a Wal-Mart greeter at a Wal-Mart in Des Moines, Iowa.
In other news. It is being reported that storks are eating Louisiana tar balls, flying up to Arkansas, and shitting them all over the anvil-looking state.