Written by Fletcher
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Topics: Cocaine, planet

Thursday, 7 April 2005

image for Jar Jar Binks Found Dead!
Scene of the Crime

It was confirmed by a coroner that Jar Jar Binks was found dead in a sewer drain on the Planet-spanning city of Coruscant. Toxicology results showed high levels of spice and cocaine in his blood stream. Though the levels were extraordinarily high, it wasn't ruled as a cause of death.

Witnesses were interviewed and testified to seeing a haggard, middle-aged man in flannel with Mr. Binks two hours prior to the time of death.

Some speculate that The man was a former film writer/director, and that he had a "falling out" with his former creation. The dispute ended with a muffled cry and a loud gunshot.

The Republic as a whole, are up in arms over the murder, and have publicly announced that a search will be conducted as long as necessary until the criminal is found. The Gungan community on Naboo are also going public about Racism within the Republic Political ring. Th

In contrast, the fan subculture of the Star Wars Universe are celebrating over the recent death of Mr. Binks. Candle light vigils and memorials have been replaced with all-night keggars and costume parties.

Obi-Wan Kenobi was recently interviewed on the subject. "I mourn the loss of our good friend, Jar Jar Binks, and pray that his murderer will be caught and brought to justice swiftly."

Also, Captain Tarpals was commented saying: "Meesa sad bout deesa thingos, but Ja' Ja' was soah clumsy." The rest of his recorded statement was unintelligible.

The recent murder of Jar Jar Binks has put a shadow on the already murky world of Universal politics, and it will be quite some time before this passes over. The event will most certainly put a damper on this month's election of Head of Coruscant Security. The re-election of Dax Olesa has be somewhat marred by Bink's death. It will be even more difficult for him to keep his seat. This event conveys a since of lacking security within the Senate Chambers.

Chancellor Palpatine issued the following statement. "Through the past few days, I have become increasingly aware of the security gaps within the Senate. This subject will be dealt with as quickly as possible to assure the safety of our members."

The Senate has passed another Legislation, upping security measures for all Planetary Representatives. According to Senate PR's, this Legislation will remain in effect until the murder suspect is brought to Justice.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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