The Joplin Police Department reported finding a man's body last Saturday in the Spring River near the Empire Electric Plant. The dead man's name was withheld and will not be released until his immediately family had been properly notified.
The nameless victim apparently drowned due to excessive beer and alcohol consumption, apparently while visiting an unknown "someone" in nearby Riverton.
At the time he was pulled from the river he was wearing black fishnet stockings, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, purple lipstick, and an Obama T-shirt.
In a gesture of kindness, the police removed the Obama T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment.